"don't let your ego win or you're gonna regret it more"

yesterday,

someone told me

"don't ever let the ego win, ken. if you have something to say, tell it.

or you will regret it forever.

get the chance while you still can get it, before it's too late."

after i read the words,

the half of myself just took the control.

i scrolled down the chats,

tried to find your name and typed something

hi, how are you?

it's been a long time i didn't hear anything.

can we talk, please? i feel better now.

but then something caught my attention.

something that i wrote to you on that long green bubble.

after this, i promise that i won't bother u anymore.

i will stop spamming things like this.

then, i stopped the typing.

i deleted all of the words that i already typed.

i closed the app then i just looked at the wall.

was it stupid cause i keep telling promises?

the promises that i don't even know if i can keep them.

why did i say it?

cause i shouldn't say it in the first place

was it all my fault?

or was it yours cause you didn't try your best to hold the tense?

no, it was never your fault.

i am the one to blame.

and that day,

i decided to let the ego win.

i will accept the consequence to regret myself forever.

i shouldn't hope for the second chance to come.

i know the truth that you're still hoping for someone else to come,

and i should stop the hopes there and leave them.

all of the hopes you said,

they would never be for me.

and all of the hopes i said,

just forget it, i know you don't give a damn about them anymore.

but let me raise the questions here

and make a wish that you will answer this.

directly or indirectly,

or maybe there is no answer for this.

hey,

did you really mean it when you said it?

if yes, why did you give up so fast that day?

why didn't you wait and convince me that it would be worth it?

if no, then why could you be so bad to me?

how could you tell me a joke that wasn't even funny?

you know what?

i am gonna be in town tomorrow.

wanna meet up and talk?

or maybe create an awkward atmosphere together?

oh cmon, we're never gonna make it tho.

i wish i could tell you directly,

so that maybe we can make the memories further.

but i will restrain myself to do that,

cause who the hell am i for telling you that?