01:38

hi i am drunk you know

and i'm gonna say this

i love you

to death.

since the day i knew i did hurt someone,

i stop being a listener for the people who get drunk.

i stop listening to their little honesty,

cause i am afraid i will get trapped again.

oh cmon,

you're drunk.

i am gonna talk to you when you're stable.

take a little rest.

that's what i did.

at least the conversation can stop there.

at least i don't have to think about it

and being afraid of hurting someone else again.

i am waiting for you here.

give a chance to another guy who wants to know you.

please.

i don't wanna see you suffering cause you've been thinking

of a person who doesn't even give a fuck about you anymore.

just give me that chance.

i closed my phone.

and i don't know what to do.

the little words i got,

that keep haunting me,

that keep stressing me out for the last 11 months,

they are back.

"you hurt me, but it's okay i'm good"

"how can you have this kind of childish mindset in your age?"

"next time, you need to treat another guy better than you did to me"

"see?! you're just making things scary. you can't help me understand myself"

"i know from the beginning that you're the one who just push me away"

god sake, no.

i am not brave enough to face kind of this thing again.

i am afraid.

yesterday, knowing the truth that i did bad to people,

it's making me crazy.

i think raditya dika was right.

everybody will suffer from a heartbreak that is gonna change

their perspective about love for the rest of their life,

whether it's hard to trust or feeling numb.

no, don't wait for me.

i am still battling myself from the ghosts inside of me.

the last person that i met yesterday,

he couldn't even handle the other side of me.

so please, you deserve someone better,

so much better than a problematic one like me.

that's the last thing i said.

to make him know that he is hoping for a wrong person.

cause waiting for someone who can't even handle herself,

it is just a waste of time.